Well, tried the suggestions. Uninstalled the Active X manually, reinstalled. I have admin rights on all systems I have tried this on. I downloaded and ran the file NV_ocx_uninstall.exe (which essentially just uninstalls the Active X. I have also run NV_ocx_uninstall.exe, then manually removed the C:\Program Files\remoteAP folder and all registry entries related to any avermedia product and restarted. All of this failed to fix the issue on three pc's running windows xp sp3. I have however had no issues getting it to work on a Windows 7 32 bit pc. This is all from the same network, so the fact that it works on the windows 7 pc disproves any router issues.
I have found a work around for my own amusment. I manually extracted the files from the install files mentioned in the error into a folder on my desktop. I then tried to connect to the camera after removing the active x and remoteAP folder. After I get the failed to find message, I log into the camera and get my single camera view with no buttons then close out IE. Then I copied the files from the folder on the desktop to the folders mentioned in the error. I then restarted the pc and connected to the camera again, and voila, there are all the missing buttons. Alas, I cannot have this be the answer for my clients as it is unacceptable. I have also found that Avermedia support is not very helpful. Oh well, hope this helps someone in some way.